There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
