she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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