Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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