Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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