Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
