everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
