i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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