It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
