drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
