this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She's not a foreskin expert like you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
