also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
