Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
