i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
