I just made out with a guy for $7.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
