What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize