based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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