did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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