nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Can Purell be used as lube?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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