You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
