dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
