forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
