I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
