You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize