Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize