when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
