Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
