I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
