you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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