Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
