he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
