Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
