Will you blow on my dice?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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