the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
