threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
