Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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