VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
its not stalking. its research.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
