I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
