Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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