dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
