My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
