I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
