Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
