I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wear drunk well.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
