Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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