She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
