i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
