I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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