dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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