census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
tell me about the eggs
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
