My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Less talking, more tequila
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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