I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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