i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
