So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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