perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
