I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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