Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
