i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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