Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Randomize
