i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
whose ass print is on the piano?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
