Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
