Can Purell be used as lube?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
