No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
