The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I looked at my own cervix.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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