dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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