the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
