the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My balls are so social today.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
